Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Beneath Your Beautiful

So lately I've been a "Pity Party Princess"... feeling sorry for myself and that I don't measure up.  I know in my head that this is nonsense, but oh how I seem to wallow sometimes.  This morning I was even thinking to myself that I just wish people could have known me "before".  Before I was boring.  Before I was calloused.  Before I was tired.  Before I was poor.  Before I had gone through the trials I've gone through.  Before... well, before I became the me I am today.

I thought... if they could have known me BEFORE maybe they would be able to see the person I used to be, the person I think I still am somewhere deep inside.

But the truth is, I'm not the same person.  Some of the old me has gotten lost in the battle of life.  I'm not as spontaneous, not as trusting, not as open.  And I'm a pretty good actress.  I can fool most of the world most of the time.  I put on a mask and a whole lot of armor.  Only a very few ever get inside to see the real me.  Is it any wonder I don't have the same fun relationships I used to??

I was listening to the radio and the song Beneath Your Beautiful by Labrinth & Emile Sande' came on.  What an inspired message for me today.  I am going to have to let my wall down if I expect to have the quality of relationships that I want.  It's hard.  I've been burned and broken so many times.  One thing that I've learned about people is that they WILL let you down.  They WILL dissapoint you.  But then again, I let people down and I dissapoint people.  Maybe it's time for a little less expectation and a little more grace... And time to simply keep breathing.

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