Saturday, July 24, 2010

Onward and Upward

well, like most things I haven't paid attention to this blog because I just get too busy with life. Ahh life... right now I seem to go from one extreme to the other. Either I'm way to busy with kids, family, church, etc ... to even seem to breath OR I have absolutely nothing to do and I am completely bored out of my mind. I think busy is much better than bored.

So cute moment last night... David went and picked up Mongolian BBQ for dinner, a favorite of mine, and brought it home in the cute little chinese food paper box. Logan saw it and was so excited. He just knew that Patrick must have sent it to us. Patrick is his cousin and is on a mission in Japan. It was so cute seeing him excited about his missionary cousin. Sometimes I forget how impressionable these little ones are.

Well, our summer has been a blur. School starts in 25 days and I feel like we haven't gotten to do any of the things we planned. David lost his job on June 18th and since then we have basically been just living day to day. We don't dare plan anything in advance for the hope that he will get a phone call for an interview for one of the literally hundred or so jobs he has applied for.
The kids have adapted pretty well, but then there are those days... you know, those days when your head tells you everything will be ok, but you just have put on the strong, brave face for so long that you just have to let down for one day. Well, Thursday was my day. I think I scared a few people because I wrote on my facebook status that I felt completely out of control in my life situation right now. It didn't take too long before the posts started coming, and then the frantic phone calls.

I appreciate all the concern and my wonderful friends.

This being said, I just have to say, it is ok for people to let down sometimes. I am always the strong one. The "counselor" friend. I have talked people through some pretty hairy situations from abuse to suicide attempts to divorces and infidelity to all the little parenting crisis'. I really shook a few people up by letting them see the chinks in my armor I guess. Instantly people assumed I had lost my faith, lost my testimony, completely lost sight of the big picture.
Honestly... get real. This is me. I haven't lost my faith in the Lord. In fact, that is sometimes the only thing that pulls people through. But it is ok to have a reality check and not live in a fantasy world that just because you have faith nothing bad will happen... worse is when people believe that every bad experience was giving to us on purpose to humble us or teach us something because we are somehow not living valiantly enough.

Sometimes life is just hard. No altererior motives, no conspiracy theory... life is just hard. When someone is carrying a heavy burden there are times that they just have to put it down for a minute to rest. That's all Thursday was... just a time to set the burden down and breath, just breath.

So, the breathing is done. The resting is done. And I've picked the burden back up and I am continuing on this journey with the Lord right beside me, strengthening me and carrying the load when I am unable.

I learned so much through the reactions of others. First, I hope I have never been as condescending and uncaring as some of those who thought they were being helpful. I hope I have never been as oblivious to other people's circumstances and suffering. And I know also that I have not been as kind as some of my dear friends have been. I need to be more caring and kind to others. While this week has been filled with frustrating people who have no clue what life is like, it has also been filled with some amazing angelic people who have listened to the spirit and lifted me by their words and deeds.

Thanks for letting me take a moment and let down for a day. Now... onward and upward and just keep breathing.

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