The Benefits of Blooming in the Weed Patch

I've heard the saying "Bloom where you're planted" my entire life.
What does that mean?
Why are some people planted in lush gardens and others in barren deserts; while still others are in rocky outcroppings or in climates that only allow blooms to happen for short amount of time?  

Why are some blooms spectacular and others more simple and understated?  

Why are some flowers highly praised and others overlooked?

I love wildflowers.  I have since I was a child. Directly behind my childhood home is a large hill.  Every spring and summer the hillside is filled with wildflowers.  I grew up appreciating these simple, yet beautiful blooms. I often came home from my hillside adventures with sego lily, black eyed Susan and Indian paintbrush bouquets.

I also had a paper route as a child, and one of my customers was the local flower shop.  I loved to admire the magnificent flowers that I saw there, but somehow I instinctively knew that these were not "my" type of flowers.  My type of flowers were to be the simple wildflowers.

I say instinctively, but in reality it had nothing to do with instinct at all.  

In my hometown, like many, popularity and value and worth were determined by where you lived.  My home was BELOW the hill.  The fancy homes were ON the hill.  "Roses" bloomed on the hill while "wildflowers and weeds" grew below.
From my earliest memories, other people made very clear that I was not blooming in the right garden.  I was a wildflower - a weed - and NOT a rose.  I had no business trying to associate at school, at work, (at church even) with the beautiful roses and lilies and other "fine" flowers.  I needed to stay in the weed patch.  I needed to know my place.

Well, the problem was that I was a very outspoken weed.  I actually had the nerve to think of myself as beautiful and worthwhile.  I actually though that my simple blooms could add something to the roses and lilies and together we could be spectacular.  I was reminded often that this wasn't true.  I was simply a weed and I'd better not forget it. 

Eventually, I was "transplanted" out of the weed patch.  During college and subsequent moves to  different cities, I was able to start fresh without anyone knowing where I came from.  

Now, I didn't quite make it to the premier rose garden, but at least it was a garden with a large variety of different blooms, each with their own unique colors and sizes and fragrance.  There were roses and wildflowers and weeds growing peacefully all together.

More and more often, the roses that came to grow in my garden were thorn-less roses who saw the beauty in themselves AND in others and often preferred the company of weeds and common wildflowers to the company of the designer roses.  I was able to mingle with roses and daisies alike.

But once in a while, a "designer" rose would grace us with their presence in the garden. This rose was bred for greatness and they knew it, and we had better know it too.  These were miserable times in the garden for everyone. These roses tried to reminde me once again that I had no business trying to associate with roses that were worth far more than I ever could be.    

But by turning to friendly roses and wildflowers and beautiful weeds, those thoughts didn't last. Over the years I have come to know that the Creator of roses is also the Creator of weeds.  

"Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons" Acts 10:34.

"... I understood that every flower created by Him is beautiful, that the brilliance of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not lessen the perfume of the violet or the sweet simplicity of the daisy."  Saint Theresa of Lisieux

So, what have I learned from my days in different gardens?

• Every flower is beautiful, even the weeds.
• It is possible ... and even beautiful ... for a variety of flowers to bloom in the same location.  Each adding its own unique contribution to the garden.
• Some roses are only pretty on the outside.  Their insides are full of thorns.
• BUT, not all roses have thorns.  Many are quite lovely and grow well with many varieties of different flowers.
• I've come to know amazing people who will never be welcome in the rose garden; beautiful, kind, intelligent, thoughtful, worthwhile people who have been treated like weeds their entire lives.  It's ok to be a weed.  It's not ok to destroy the self worth of others.
• The smallest, most fragile and almost shy blossoms are some of my favorites. 

I love the weeds and see their value.  I love the daisies (yes, a weed), the baby's breath, the forget me nots, the yarrow, the cornflowers (bachelor buttons), and the purple loosestrife. Some of these I've even planted in my garden ON PURPOSE ... imagine that.  I've also planted a beautiful assortment of roses.  

So please ... Bloom Where You Are Planted, even if you are told you are a weed ... not because you can't or shouldn't bloom anywhere else, but because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and your bloom is essential and valued and needed in this world. And as you bloom so gloriously and unashamed, remember to Keep Breathing.

I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go

It may not be on the mountain’s height, or over the stormy sea; 

It may not be at the battle’s front my Lord will have need of me;

This song has special meaning for me in my life. When my husband and I were recently graduated from college, he took a job managing a clinic and was promised great pay and benefits, and the opportunity to turn around a struggling business. He worked very hard, but despite his best efforts, the clinic was sinking further into debt. The problem was a dishonest employer who eventually lost her clinic and her license to practice.

Throughout the last 6 months of his employment my husband looked and looked for other work, but the employment in the area was severely depressed at the time. We fasted and prayed and felt strongly that we should look for work in another city, but as we prayed we also felt that the Lord was telling us “Yes… but not yet.” We couldn’t understand why the Lord would ask us to continue with this employer when week after week our paychecks were bouncing and we were having to borrow money to pay our rent and buy food.

At this time I was serving in Young Women’s over the Miamaids. One week in Ward Council I was told that a young woman had moved into our ward and wanted to come to church. The only problem was, this young woman didn’t live with her family. She lived at the group home for troubled teens. She had survived years of abuse from her father and when she finally confided in her seminary teacher and then police, her family kicked her out and disowned her. She was bounced from foster home to foster home. She felt abandoned, worthless, used, and she trusted no one. She needed more therapy than they could access for her in a traditional foster home and was eventually sent to live in the group home. 

I was nervous the first time I went to pick her up for an activity. The kids in the home had come from all different backgrounds. Most were in and out of juvi, many had drug and alcohol problems, and many suffered from mental illness. Honestly I was scared to death what type of an influence I might be bringing to my other young women. But there was something special about her and there was an instant connection.

Over the months she began to come to church, and to Girl’s Camp. We became close friends and soon she was spending all her time outside of school at our home. We would check her out of the group home at 6am and check her back in at 10pm, there was even the occasional slumber party. There were many tearful late night talks over ice cream and early morning walks discussing God’s love for her. There were honest heartfelt questions of “Why Me” and “How Can I Ever Be Normal”. There were scriptures read, blessings given, and many, many prayers said together. Our Young Women lessons took on new life as the girls bonded with her and each was able to share their own personal struggles and build each other up. The broken and scarred girl who came into our lives slowly began to like herself and to feel that she had worth. The girl who once thought of herself as worthless garbage to be tossed aside now had a burning testimony that she was a divine Daughter of God.

Slowly, after months, she began to trust again and she began progressing with her therapy and was able to interview for foster homes. We went with her as she met her new foster parents and she was so excited to show us her new room and get our approval on her new temporary family. Late in the fall she was able to leave the group home and move in with her foster family.

Within just a few days of moving her in to her new foster home, my husband received a job offer in another city. Our prayers had been answered and we felt that the Lord was saying, “Now that you’ve finished what I needed you to do here, you can move on.”

We don’t always know how to travel the path that the Lord calls us to walk. But we aren’t expected to travel it alone. As we put our trust in the Lord and take his hand we can “go where He wants us to go” as we Keep Breathing.

But if by a still, small voice He calls to paths I do not know,
I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in Thine,
I’ll go where You want me to go.

The "Ugly Stage"

In crafting and theater there is a stage right near the end of the project where you look and realize you have put an incredible amount of time into something that is just plain ugly. You have worked and worked and done everything right, but it just doesn't look like what it's supposed to yet. My craft mentor and friend taught me that this is the  "Ugly Stage"... the stage when you just really want to throw it away and never look at it again because you can't possibly see how something so ugly can ever turn out the way it's supposed to.

In theater this "Ugly Stage" happens a week or two before the performance.  You realize that even though you have spent hours and weeks singing and dancing and memorizing lines ... somehow all you have are little pieces of a jumbled mess and you keep mixing them up and tripping over yourself and you just know that it will be the biggest flop and the most embarrassing moment of your life if you actually try to perform this ugly mess.



Then, a magical thing happens.

If you don't give up, then the craft project begins to take shape and the theatrical performance suddenly makes sense. It happens so quickly that it is hard to believe that the "Ugly Stage" even existed. But it did.

And so it is with life. There is a whole lot of working and practicing and trying to live the way we're supposed to and a whole lot of struggling and paying our dues. We look around one day and see that what we have gotten for all of our efforts is just a whole lot of "Ugly". But we can't give up, because after the "Ugly Stage" comes the finished product that is so much better than we can ever imagine when we are staring so intently at the "Ugly".

The part that makes life even better than a craft project or theater is that our Savior is the Master Craftsman who takes our "Ugly" and shapes it into the Divine.



He is the Director who guides and directs our play into a performance worthy of Eternal audiences.

We must endure the "Ugly Stage" and have faith that through our Savior, Jesus Christ, the finished Eternal product of our lives will be so much better than we ever could have imagined, if we just Keep Breathing.

...let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith...
Hebrews 12:1-2

"I Just Needed You to Ask."

It’s amazing to me how everyday situations can remind me of my relationship with Heavenly Father.  This morning I asked Logan to bring me his agenda for school.  Each day they are to record their homework and any other notes from the teacher about upcoming activities or supplies needed etc….  Along with his homework for the day, Logan had written down “binders plees”.  I asked him if he needed binders for school.  He looked at the floor and whispered sadly and apologetically, “Yes.”   

I should insert here that the past few years our family has been recovering from a layoff that resulted from a company merger.  Because of this, our income was cut in half, and due to the current state of the economy, we haven’t been able to find employment that pays even close to the original wage.  So a good portion of Logan’s school life has been scrimping and saving and thrift stores and clearance sales.  Add to this the fact that we have had a wedding and a sent out a missionary this past year and Logan has seen me take on part time jobs and work all sorts of various odd jobs to help out.  Logan was worried to ask me about a binder for school because he didn’t want us to have to spend money on him that we may not have.  

I asked him what kind of binder he needed and he said, “Just a 3 ring binder with a place to put a picture on the front.”  I told him we had several and they were actually just a few feet from where he was standing.  He was so excited!  I let him know that I had prepared ahead of time for the things I thought he might need, and that I was just waiting for him to ask when he needed something.

Think about that …

Everything was prepared ahead of time in case he needed it, and all he had to do was come to me and ask.  He didn’t have to beg.  He didn’t have to earn it.  He didn’t have to do anything other than let me know what he needed and when he did, it was already available.  I was excited and happy to give him what he needed and I was grateful that something that I had sacrificed to provide was finally being used instead of sitting on a shelf gathering dust.

I told him, “I already have binders for you, I just needed you to ask.”  As I said these words I could imagine our Heavenly Father saying the same thing to me… “I already have everything you need for this trial, I just needed you to ask.”

Our Heavenly Father has already prepared the tools, the people, and the opportunities that we will need in this life.  Our Savior has already worked, struggled, and paid the price.  All that is left is for us to come to them and ask.

“I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, … my Spirit shall be in your [heart], and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.”  Doctrine and Covenants 84:88

Sometimes I think we are like Logan and don’t want to bother our Heavenly Father.  We also don’t want to cause Him to sacrifice any more on our behalf.  Maybe we don’t think we are worth it.  Maybe we think Heavenly Father is too busy and doesn’t really have time for us.  Maybe we don’t really know what we need.

Our Heavenly Father is a God of love.  He has already prepared everything for us and rejoices when we take advantage of the things He has provided.  He wants us to use the Atonement that His Son, Jesus Christ has already paid for.  He wants us to come to Him and let Him know what blessings we need and how He can help us.  He wants us to know that He loves us and He wants us to Keep Breathing.

  "Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God...."  
1 John 3:1

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life."  John 3:16  

Kintsugi or Kinsukuroi: Broken Things

A friend shared with me today the lovely art/idea of Kintsugi (Kinsukuroi).  Kintsugi is the traditional Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with a strong adhesive and then sprinkling the adhesive with gold dust.  The result is that the broken pottery is now mended and in fact even stronger than the original.  Instead of trying to hide the flaws and cracks, they are accentuated and celebrated because they now have become the strongest part of the pottery.  

I love the idea that each of us can be mended and become even stronger than we originally were through Christ.  Often we view ourselves as not measuring up, not good enough, not perfect ... broken.  

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland gave a talk in 2006 entitled  Broken Things to Mend. 

In his talk, Elder Holland shares the following insights:

"The first words Jesus spoke in His majestic Sermon on the Mount were to the troubled, the discouraged and downhearted. “Blessed are the poor in spirit,” He said, “for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”  Whether you are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or among the tens of thousands listening this morning who are not of our faith, I speak to those who are facing personal trials and family struggles, those who endure conflicts fought in the lonely foxholes of the heart, those trying to hold back floodwaters of despair that sometimes wash over us like a tsunami of the soul. I wish to speak particularly to you who feel your lives are broken, seemingly beyond repair....
If you are lonely, please know you can find comfort. If you are discouraged, please know you can find hope. If you are poor in spirit, please know you can be strengthened. If you feel you are broken, please know you can be mended."

What a beautiful concept, that Christ will take us as we are, broken and tattered, and he will mend us
and help us become even more than we could ever become on our own.  There is a song that I love that expresses this so beautifully, 

Broken, by Kenneth Cope.

Broken clouds give rain
Broken soil grows grain
Broken bread feeds man for one more day
Broken storms yield light
The break of day heals night
Broken pride turns blindness into sight
Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
Could it be that God loves broken things
Broken chains set free
Broken swords bring peace
Broken walls make friends of you and me
To break the ranks of sin
To break the news of Him
To put on Christ till His name feels broken in
Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
I believe that God loves broken things
And yet, our broken faith, our broken promises
Sent love to the cross
And still, that broken flesh, that broken heart of His
Offers us such grace and mercy
Covers us with love undeserving
This broken soul that cries for mending
This broken heart for offering
I'm convinced that God loves broken me
Praise His name—my God loves broken things
So, broken cloud—Give rain
And broken soil—Grow grain
And broken bread—Feed man for one more day

As we turn to the Savior to be healed and to be perfected, we may just find ourselves more filled with gold than with pottery.  And through Him we will be able to be whole, to be good enough, to be perfect.  Perfection isn't a life without flaws, it's a life where those flaws are mended, our hearts are healed, and we remember to Keep Breathing.

Chasing Rabbits

"To cite a whimsical saying; 'If you chase two rabbits, both of them will escape.' No one is adequate to do everything all at once. We have to select what is important, what is possible, and begin where we are, with what we have. And if we begin and if we keep going the weight, the worry, the doubt, the depression will begin to lift .... We can't do everything always, but we can do something now, and doing something will help to lift the weight and lessen the worry, 'The beginning,' said Plato, 'is the most important part.'"--Richard L. Evans

I love this quote.  Too often I find myself chasing way too many rabbits... working 3 part time jobs, being mom to 4 kids at home and one missionary and one newly wed, teaching Sunday School for teenagers, being a supportive wife, taking time to be a good friend, trying to enjoy some time arranging flowers ... the list goes on.  The wonderful thing about my life is that I truly enjoy each and every part of it.  Don't get me wrong, there are definitley hard days and endless challenges.  But I kind of love the challenge.  The problem is that I find that I get upset with myself for getting burned out or tired or just not measuring up... And the silly thing is that I am the only one who thinks I'm not measuring up.  Well, ok, there are always those who are really quick to judge and would be eager to point out my failings, but my biggest critic has always been myself.

I think this is a universal problem for most women.  We really want to be able to do it all and we somehow think that anything less than everything isn't good enough.  But good enough for who?  Heavenly Father doesn't expect us to be everything.  Most of the time society doesn't expect us to be everything.  Our families don't even expect us to be everything.  Honestly, I am the one who puts the pressure on myself.

So, what do I cut out?  How do I prioritize?  It really isn't possible financially to cut out any of the jobs right now, and they are such an incredible blessing because they allow me to be with my family when they are home and to still help meet our financial obligations.  I can't just stop being a mom, and I don't want to.  I love my family.  They are my world.  I enjoy my time with friends ... I seem to have a hard time making friends so I treasure the ones I have.  I guess I just don't play well with others.  My flowers are such a peaceful expression of my soul and I love the opportunity to create something beautiful.

So what to do?

When I was a young girl we had a pet rabbit with soft, beautiful white fur named Snowball.  As a girl I loved to hold and cuddle this soft white bunny.  She was my confidant and I could tell her my inner most thoughts and daydreams.  She didn't judge.  She didn't criticize.  She just sat in my arms and made me feel loved.

One day we took Snowball in the backyard to get some excercise.  She loved the cool green grass and soon decided that this paradise was so much better than her cage.  She decided to make her escape and I found myself literally chasing a rabbit.  Round and round the yard we ran with Snowball always one hop ahead of me.  I couldn't lose my friend, she was much too important to me... I just had to catch her.  I leapt after my Snowball and made a frantic grab for her beautiful fluffy white tail... and to my horror, as I caught hold of the swiftly hopping bunny, I pulled her tail completely off.  I was devastated.  I thought I had killed her.  I sobbed harder than I knew I could.

In the end, she ended up being just fine... a little shaken and definitely not the happy bunny she had been just moments before.  But I learned a valuable lesson.  Running around frantically chasing rabbits is a little like chasing things in life that we think will bring contentment and peace.  While it is possible, with patience and strategy and a little luck, to catch one rabbit ... it is quite another thing to chase several at a time.

My advice to myself and to others?
Be good to yourself.  Give yourself permission to sit quietly and enjoy the peace and joy that can come from taking the time to focus on one precious thing at a time.  There will be time to hold other rabbits, but allow yourself to enjoy each season of life as it comes.  Slow down and take a look at all the good that you are doing, instead of focusing on all the areas you feel you are failing in.

And when you can't see the road ahead and it seems that you will never find that peace and rest that you long for, trust in your Heavenly Father and remember that He has said, "Be still and know that I am God."  ~Psalms 46:10

The maker of rabbits, and challenges, and families, and trials knows and loves you so completely.  Trust in Him.  Seek His peace.  Take His hand.  Feel His love...  and Keep Breathing.

Missionary Care Package

Missionary care packages can brighten the day of any missionary.  They don't need to be fancy, just full of love and personalization.  I picked up a few fun things for my missionary today at the dollar store and from around the house.  This is what I came up with.

Granola Bar:  "And if they are not the words of Christ, judge ye - for Christ will show unto you, with power and great glory, that they are his words, at the last day, and you and I shall stand face to face before his bar..."  2 Nephi 33:11

Gummy Eyeballs:  "Open thou mine eyes, that I may behold wondrous things..."  Psalms 119:18

Jaw Breaker:  "... and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."  D&C 122:7

Sour Gummy Worms:  Don't let "Sour" moments "Worm" their way into your companionship.

Reeces Pieces:  "Peace (pieces) I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world
giveth,  give I unto you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."    John 14:27

Gummy Airplanes:  "Fly High" in your missionary service.

Tootsie Rolls:  Remember your "roll" as a missionary is to bring the good news of the gospel to all the world.

Kool-Aid:  It's "Kool" to bring Spiritual "Aid" to the world.

Mouth Ring Pop:  "Yea, verily, verily, I say unto you, that the field is white already to harvest; wherefore, thrust in your sickles, and reap with all your might, mind and strength.  Open your mouths and they shall be filled, and you shall become even as Nephi of old, who journeyed from Jerusalem in the wilderness.  Yea, open your mouths and spare not, and you shall be laden with sheaves upon your backs, for lo, I am with you.  Yea open your mouths and they shall be filled, saying: Repent, repent, and prepare ye the way of the Lord, and make his paths straight; for the kingdom of heaven is at hand."  D&C 33: 7-10

Puzzle:  Just like a puzzle piece is vital, every individual is important to our Heavenly Father.

Gum:  "...choose (chews) you this day whom ye will serve; but as for me
and my house, we will serve the Lord."  Joshua 24:15

Hi-Chew Candy:  Take the "Hi" road and "Chews" to be a support to your fellow missionaries.

Swedish Fish:  "Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men."  Matthew 4:19

Firefly Launching Toy:  Just as a "Firefly" can light up the night, let your testimony light up the lives of those you teach.

Keep Breathing.

Beneath Your Beautiful

So lately I've been a "Pity Party Princess"... feeling sorry for myself and that I don't measure up.  I know in my head that this is nonsense, but oh how I seem to wallow sometimes.  This morning I was even thinking to myself that I just wish people could have known me "before".  Before I was boring.  Before I was calloused.  Before I was tired.  Before I was poor.  Before I had gone through the trials I've gone through.  Before... well, before I became the me I am today.

I thought... if they could have known me BEFORE maybe they would be able to see the person I used to be, the person I think I still am somewhere deep inside.

But the truth is, I'm not the same person.  Some of the old me has gotten lost in the battle of life.  I'm not as spontaneous, not as trusting, not as open.  And I'm a pretty good actress.  I can fool most of the world most of the time.  I put on a mask and a whole lot of armor.  Only a very few ever get inside to see the real me.  Is it any wonder I don't have the same fun relationships I used to??

I was listening to the radio and the song Beneath Your Beautiful by Labrinth & Emile Sande' came on.  What an inspired message for me today.  I am going to have to let my wall down if I expect to have the quality of relationships that I want.  It's hard.  I've been burned and broken so many times. 

Behind your Broadway show
I heard a voice say please don't hurt me
You've carried on so long
You couldn't stop if you tried it
You've built your wall so high
That no one could climb it
But I'm gonna try

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful
Would you let me see beneath your perfect

One thing that I've learned about people is that they WILL let you down.  They WILL disappoint you.  But then again, I let people down and I disappoint people.  Maybe it's time for a little less expectation and a little more grace... 

Maybe it's time to start turning more fully to the One who WON'T let me down, the One who WON'T disappoint me, the One who will ALWAYS be there to support and love me right where I am, and will encourage me to become better.  Maybe it's time to worry more about my relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ, and less about my relationships with others.  

Maybe as I come to love myself as the Savior loves me, I can open up and let others know and love me too.

And through it all remember to simply Keep Breathing.

Small and Simple Things

I was reading in Alma 37 this week and it was interesting to me the way that Alma likens Lehi and his family having the Liahona and receiving inspiration to us having the scriptures (words of Christ). Lehi and his family didn't give heed to the compass because it was too "easy". Often we do the same thing.

41 ..."because those miracles were worked by small means ... They were slothful and forgot to exercise their faith and diligence and then those marvelous works ceased, and they did not progress in their journey.
44 "... it is as easy to give heed to the word of Christ ... as it was for our fathers to give heed to this compass ...."
45 " ... the words of Christ, if we follow their course, carry us beyond this vale of sorrow into a far better land of promise."

It is so easy for us to neglect the basics of prayer and scripture study because they are so "easy" and seemingly small, and yet through these small and simple means we are brought closer to Christ and are able to feel the Spirit and receive much needed inspiration. I imagine our missionaries have experience with investigators who "forget" to pray or to read the Book of Mormon and then they will "not progress in their journey". Hopefully they will be able to invite them to return to the basics and grow in their relationship with our Heavenly Father.

We had a talk along the same lines in Sacrament meeting today and President Uchtdorf gave a talk recently about prioritizing our lives properly. Pres. Uchtdorf said that our priorities need to be:
1. Our personal relationship with our Heavenly Father
2. Our relationship with our families
3. Our relationship with our fellowmen
4. Our relationship with ourselves

"As we turn to our Heavenly Father and seek His wisdom regarding the things that matter most,
we learn over and over again the importance of four key relationships:
with our God, with our families, with our fellowman, and with ourselves. "
Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf
"Of Things That Matter Most" October 2010

I have a testimony that Jesus is the Christ and that he hears and answers our prayers. Through small and simple things He can accomplish great works... and often the greatest work that He will accomplish in our own personal lives is the personal conversion of each one of us individually. Sometimes we overlook what a great miracle it is to convert a soul, even our own. As we continue to learn more about our Savior, He continues to strengthen us and our love for Him grows. I know He lives and He loves us. Continue in the basics and to strengthen your own personal testimony as you serve Him ... and Keep Breathing.

I'm doing the best I can

As parents we make many decisions, and through them all we echo the sentiments of one of my dear ancestors, Elizabeth Terry Heward, that hopefully our children will be alright inspite of our fumblings as parents for "(we) thought (we) were doing the best (we) could." 

Here is a journal entry from Elizabeth:

My little Mary grew smart and intelligent and had great wisdom for a child her age, Which was according to her blessing. The weather was very cold and stormy and I had neglected to get her any shoes. Indeed ... I thought I was not able to pay for them, so she was exposed to the cold.

On December 7, 1852, she was taken sick with the scarlet fever and on the night of December 13, she died. The stroke seemed more than I could bear.  She was two years, nine months and eight days old. She had a weak constitution and needed a great deal of care, and my health being poor and having two children younger than her, I couldnot give her the attention she needed.

But she is gone, and I humbly pray that she may not lose anything by this change, for I thought I was doing the best I could.

Parenting is trial and error, and definitely a time to Keep Breathing.

New Job

Wow.  So I guess it's that time in life where I get to strike out and make a new beginning as I venture back into the work force after a 14+ year absense.
I have been looking at beginning this journey for a while now, and honestly struggled with which direction I wanted to go.  I have a degree in Elementary Ed, so I could reinstate my certification (which I am in the process of doing) and go back to teaching.  BUT I also love designing flowers, so that could be a new avenue to pursue.  What to do....

Well, I browsed the internet last week looking for floral design jobs in the area and couldn't find anything. (surprise, surprise).  Then on Tuesday, I decided to look and see what other jobs might be listed.  I looked on Craigslist and there it was - an advertisement for a floral designer at a local florist.  I emailed my application Tuesday afternoon, got a call Wednesday morning for an interview, interviewed Wednesday afternoon and got the job.  I start next Tuesday.

Excited, Flattered, Terrified, Anxious, Excited!

So when I told Logan about my new job he was kind of sad.  I asked if it was because he wanted me to be a teacher.  He said, "No.  I was thinking you could be a celebrity.  Then you could be famous and make our family rich again cuz we're kind of almost close to being poor you know...."  Silly boy!

Hahahaha!  So then he went to the bathroom and came back and said,  "Oh mom!  In the bathroom I was also thinking you could be an astronaut... but then I thought that wouldn't be good because in space you would probably run out of air and then you'd die."

What a great kid!! - and what a great adventure I am beginning!  Now I just need to Keep Breathing.

Tools

If every man's internal care

Were written on his brow,

How many would our pity share

Who raise our envy now?

~Peitro Metastasio

 

Have you ever taken the time to really look at another person and try to imagine what their life must be like?  So often I think I go about so caught up in my own chaos that I forget to see what others around me are going through in their own lives. 

My daughter shared a message that they learned at a BYUI fireside.  The speaker told them that there is one choice that we can make each day that will change our lives forever. 

We must make the choice to treat others as people, and not as tools.

I have thought about that a lot over the past few months.  How often do we look at others as merely someone who will fill some role in our lives? 

The teacher at the school isn't a person... they are a tool that teaches our children.  The checker at the grocery store isn't a person... they are a tool that is moving too slowly and making us late for our appointments.  The Primary teacher who doesn't show up to teach her class, my children who have chores to do around our home, my husband who needs to bring home enough to pay the bills and had better be a supportive husband and father so I can take a break, and even myself....  Can I allow myself to see my own worth beyond what I can accomplish in the home, the church, or the community??

Now don't get me wrong, things have to get done in this world, and people are the ones to do them.  But we often don't take the time to look beyond the roles that people play in our lives to see the individuals who fill these roles and see who they really are. 

President Thomas S. Monson said this, "Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved." 

Don't we all expect others to treat us this way??  We often want others to extend that grace and forgiveness to us that we are unwilling to extend to them.  So my goal is to try to see others as our Savior sees them, and to love them for who they really are instead of what they can do for me, and through it all to just Keep Breathing. 

"The Savior doesn't just speak to the masses.  He ministered and showed love to the one.  They weren't all beautiful and perfect.  He looked at their heart.  He does with you also."
~Pres. James E. Faust~

Creativity Unleashed

So for the past few years I've been "playing" with making corsages and boutonnieres for the kids' school dances.  Last night my hubby picked up some Oasis Floral Adhesive and I also bought some floral wire to experiment with.  Can I just say... I LOVE THIS STUFF!!!

My inspiration for new designs comes from a local florist Flutterby Floral .  Their designs are INCREDIBLE!! 

So here are a few of my latest creations for Kuna's prom tonight.  What do you think??

Creativity definitely makes it easier to Keep Breathing.

Perceptions

What is your perception of yourself?

As a child, my father loved to recite poetry to us.  I often remember my father quoting the Robert Burns poem To A Louse and I have wondered over the years just what others might think of when they are observing me.  "O would some Power the good Lord give us, To see ourselves as others see us!"

I find myself sitting quietly on the couch this morning and I thought, "Oh how lazy you are, just sitting there on the computer doing nothing."  I have said before to others that I should really not be so lazy and that I should be doing more.  Most of my friends are amazed to hear me say that I feel like I am not doing enough and they assure me that I am crazy busy and actually need to slow down a little more often.  I guess I need to stop every once in a while and try to see what others see.

So today I have been taking inventory of my life and schedule, not for anyone but myself really, just to justify I guess that it's ok to just sit down and breathe.  The name of my blog is Keep Breathing after all.

In the last two and a half weeks I have spent my time doing the following:

• Mom to 6 kids - I have to remind myself that this is huge in itself... the laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning, emotional support, homework, etc....
• Primary President to 145 wonderful children and 30 or so amazing teachers and leaders.
• Melissa came home from college and we organized/cleaned/decorated her room and caught up emotionally on everything.
• Jonathon competed in Robotics Competition.
• I went to Parker's National History Day competition.
• I went to Parker's choir festival.
• I hemmed/altered 11 choir dresses (many of them twice) over the course of 3 days.  This meant several trips to the school to measure and fit the girls.
• I went to Jonathon and Nathan's choir concert and spent the hour and a half before pinning dresses on girls who missed class for the fittings earlier.
• I hemmed/altered another 5 choir dresses over the weekend, which meant another day at the school on Friday to fix more dresses and included making a size 20 dress into a size 8 without cutting any fabric.
• I hemmed a Prom dress for one of the girls in choir.
• I went to Jonathon and Nathan's choir festival.
• I hemmed another Prom dress for another girl in choir.
• I deep cleaned the house so that Prom dinner for Jonathon and his group could be at our home.
• I prepared and cooked most of the Prom dinner.  Melissa finished up and served while I went to Stake Conference.
• I made 2 corsages and 2 boutineers for Jonathon's Prom group.
• I led the Stake Choir for Stake Conference.  I also had rehearsals for them for two weeks prior.
• I babysat Asher 10 out of those 17 days, for a total of approx. 64 hours.
• I visited every thrift store in town multiple times on multiple days looking for Cowboy boots for the musical.
• I've had rehearsal for the musical for Kim, Jonathon, Nathan, and myself for 9 out of those 17 nights.

So with all this stuff in my crazy normal life, I still find it hard to justify a morning sitting on the couch.  Somehow I need to allow myself to just Keep Breathing.

 And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.

Mosiah 4:27

Logan Quotes

Sometimes I think I should dedicate an entire blog to Logan and his amazing insights.  We are so blessed to have him in our family.  He keeps us smiling.  Here are two of his latest adventures:

For years I have wanted to have a missionary map in my kitchen.  A friend of mine gave me a map a while back and this last week I got it put up in the kitchen.  The kids love it and have begun discussing all the fun countries they would like to visit. 

Logan has even brought some of his friends over and shown them the map.  Yesterday Logan and his best friend were looking at the map and discussing their future missions:

(Logan) I’m going all the way over to Spain on my mission! 

(Zach) Well I’m going all the way over to SPACE for my mission.  I’m going to teach the Aliens about Jesus.

************************************************************

Another fun moment with Logan today came when he went to get his back pack to leave for school.  He was confused and sad to find his backpack soaking wet.  I quizzed him on if he had dropped it in a puddle on the way home or if it was in the bathroom, but he said it was dry when he came home and he hung it up in the hallway.  So I opened his pack to unload his papers and make sure his folder was still usuable.  After I emptied the main pocket, the back pack was still heavy

... mystery solved when we discovered the HUGE chunk of ice he picked up on his way home yesterday was still in the "secret" pocket of his backpack, melting all night long.  It's definitely time to keep smiling and just Keep Breathing.